The summary as warning.

[burntcopper]

Oh, fic headers. may you ever reign as great big honking neon signs of 'DO NOT CLICK. YOU WILL REGRET IT. TRUST ME.'

Because, yeah, there's all those writers you only learn by dint of experience not to click on, because either you just didn't know how bad they could be, the ones who write subject matter you're never in the mood for, or you don't get on with their writing style (cs_whitewolf, who some love, I can see how they're technically good, but it's like Dickens. Cannot read), or some could be good, solid competent writers if they could reign in their impulses (laurab1, who has interesting ideas and the first bit's good if a little sugary but never knows when to stop), or some who are gradually learning and you've seen they've got better but write really interesting summary hooks so you always click, if a little trepidatiously (ru_salki99, getting better all the time but always that wee bit disappointed. and several phonetic spelling mistakes.).**

But, oh, headers. The lovely, lovely list of 'never, ever click'.

Spelling mistakes - When you can't get it right in the advert, we're not about to buy the product.
Not beta'd, with either couldn't be arsed or didn't have time - there is always time. and professional writers need editors.
Character names mispelled - do you even *watch* the show? (if it's a book fandom, even *worse*)
BDSM/Dark/Rape - there are very few writers I ever trust to get BDSM right. And considering yours truly is mostly a vanilla person, and if I can spot what's wrong? And dark is not what you think it is, sweetie. There is fic with not a damn ounce of blood spilt or bruising that is darker than you could ever hope to write. Rape? Never, ever a good idea.
OFC/OMC - We're reading fanfic, sweetheart. Not original.
OFC/OMC, Not A Mary Sue, Promise! - run away. even further.
'and they meet a strange girl' - Hello, Mary Sue, how nice to meet you!
high on pixie sticks! - take ownership of your own fic. It's not the sugar's fault. Admittance that you were drunk at the time, or 'er, I think I watched too much Blade Runner/Dynasty', is on the other hand a guarantee that it's probably amusing.
lol, giggle, excessive punctuation of any sort - oh hell no.
Please read and review! - we don't bother with beggars.
My first fic! - camouflage is much better. Don't try to pull the sympathy vote.
23/? - ...you don't know where it's going even by *now*?
user/author name contains 'spike' or is _insertnamehere_malfoy / the cool, 'edgy' character in a fandom - No, NO, UNDER NO BLOODY CIRCUMSTANCES. Especially to be used when said fandom's day is a wee bit passed. The only way you get me to click is if I know you from Adam.

Any I've missed?

**I know there's probably plenty of people who have issues with my writing, what little there is of it. If you want to tell me my faults, feel free - no-one ever really leaves 'good here, but you really need to work on this' feedback - I'm interested to know, and considering I'm quite used to my betas ripping my work to shreds, any critique is good critique as far as I'm concerned. I have a skin like a rhino.

ETA, 04/03 : ...I could've compared cs_whitewolf to Michelangelo, Scorcese, Hardy, the list goes on for people I can see are damn good at what they do but don't particularly like their style. OPINION. MINE. MY JOURNAL. And did you miss the bit where I said I *always read* the other two? I've left bouncy feedback on the fic of theirs I liked, and occasionally leave concrit. And yes, I do always use specific examples when citing anything, good or bad.

Comments

And a rant about spelling/grammar will always contain a spelling/grammar mistake *facepalm*

[miss-zedem.livejournal.com]

Can't remember tbh, I spotted it somewhere on my flist, and thought 'omg yes', cos I'd just been ranting at one of my betas via messenger about spelling mistakes in headers not exactly being an enticement...

I know what you mean about concrit - it's easier said than done. Unless I 'know' the writer well, I tend to either not comment (if it's bad), or flail incoherently (if it's good). The thing about naming names, yes, I see why you would do it in conversation, it was just the fact this was a public post. Like you say, not everyone has thick skin, and while I appreciate that the very act of posting fic in public invites comment, I just know I personally would rather someone contacted me if they had issues with my writing, rather than talking about me elsewhere.

*shrugs* Then again, I love it when people pull my stuff apart. I'd rather 'this was good, but you need to work on blah' than 'omg squee'. But after getting my fingers burned a few times by other writers, I've discovered I'm in the minority...

Re: And a rant about spelling/grammar will always contain a spelling/grammar mistake *facepalm*

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

:shrug: I've never, ever locked anything - but then I have no concept of privacy. and my betas have been known to actually point and laugh after pulling my writing to shreds.