computer grumbles

Went into computer shop to exchange network cable for USB data transfer cable, at which I was promptly told 'don't be bloody stupid, waste of money, you want the data transfer to take a week? and considering you've got USB 1.0 on your old computer, chances of it actually working...'

So now I have to install a network card. Which involves screwdrivers. and taking the cover off. Oh. Dear. Fucking. God. Computer bloke said it's relatively easy, but considering my usual track record in touching hardware...

Web? Easy. Punishing software to give me maximum? Easy. Hardware? Excuse me while I whimper.