fic snobbery pondering

You know how there's certain authors you never read because you can't stand them? On the other hand, you're quite happy to give new writers a try if they don't do that PLZ READ AND REVIEW, or alternately, do that awful faux pas of 'hi this is my first fic, please read!' which guarantees a scroll straight past. Anyway. new author. Decent summary, thought I might try them. Turned out to be not so much bad as intense 'meh' with added 'um, where do you get this utterly schmoopy characterisation from?'. And then I saw the people who'd left comments and were going 'I love this!'

Note to self : this would save my brain more if I scrolled to the comments first to see who loved it. Certain people are definite 'run away! run away!' markers, really they are.

new and fun discovery about lungs

On friday I was bitching about being moved to the hotter side of the office.

It... uh. Cos it's hotter, it's drier, and it's also stuffier due to less drafts. (really. previous side has a lot of drafts and a lot of negotiation between the people at the windows freezing to death versus everyone else) So me + cold wasn't having that much fun, and the coughing was happening a bit more due to congestion. Shared jokes with Greggles about the fact that half of our lot have colds, so we were introducing that side to what consumption sounds like.

Only... um. It seems that prolonged hotter and drier and stuffier and congestion means I start having breathing problems. Seriously. By 5pm, it felt like every lungful was pure dust, and Lissy was pushing her inhaler at me, and I was red-eyed and crying, nose streaming by 5:20, with bits of added choking (also glugging water after I breathed to try to combat dust). Took me til about 7pm to get lungs back to normal - one of the few benefits of overcrowded trains, higher humidity index.

Ringing doc tomorrow. And crossing my fingers like hell that it's a lung infection like it turned out to be last year when we worried that I'd developed cough-variant asthma.

But yeah. really. I do not want this to be something that I start having to actively *measure* when going for new jobs.

The summary as warning.

Oh, fic headers. may you ever reign as great big honking neon signs of 'DO NOT CLICK. YOU WILL REGRET IT. TRUST ME.'

Because, yeah, there's all those writers you only learn by dint of experience not to click on, because either you just didn't know how bad they could be, the ones who write subject matter you're never in the mood for, or you don't get on with their writing style (cs_whitewolf, who some love, I can see how they're technically good, but it's like Dickens. Cannot read), or some could be good, solid competent writers if they could reign in their impulses (laurab1, who has interesting ideas and the first bit's good if a little sugary but never knows when to stop), or some who are gradually learning and you've seen they've got better but write really interesting summary hooks so you always click, if a little trepidatiously (ru_salki99, getting better all the time but always that wee bit disappointed. and several phonetic spelling mistakes.).**

But, oh, headers. The lovely, lovely list of 'never, ever click'.

Spelling mistakes - When you can't get it right in the advert, we're not about to buy the product.
Not beta'd, with either couldn't be arsed or didn't have time - there is always time. and professional writers need editors.
Character names mispelled - do you even *watch* the show? (if it's a book fandom, even *worse*)
BDSM/Dark/Rape - there are very few writers I ever trust to get BDSM right. And considering yours truly is mostly a vanilla person, and if I can spot what's wrong? And dark is not what you think it is, sweetie. There is fic with not a damn ounce of blood spilt or bruising that is darker than you could ever hope to write. Rape? Never, ever a good idea.
OFC/OMC - We're reading fanfic, sweetheart. Not original.
OFC/OMC, Not A Mary Sue, Promise! - run away. even further.
'and they meet a strange girl' - Hello, Mary Sue, how nice to meet you!
high on pixie sticks! - take ownership of your own fic. It's not the sugar's fault. Admittance that you were drunk at the time, or 'er, I think I watched too much Blade Runner/Dynasty', is on the other hand a guarantee that it's probably amusing.
lol, giggle, excessive punctuation of any sort - oh hell no.
Please read and review! - we don't bother with beggars.
My first fic! - camouflage is much better. Don't try to pull the sympathy vote.
23/? - ...you don't know where it's going even by *now*?
user/author name contains 'spike' or is _insertnamehere_malfoy / the cool, 'edgy' character in a fandom - No, NO, UNDER NO BLOODY CIRCUMSTANCES. Especially to be used when said fandom's day is a wee bit passed. The only way you get me to click is if I know you from Adam.

Any I've missed?

**I know there's probably plenty of people who have issues with my writing, what little there is of it. If you want to tell me my faults, feel free - no-one ever really leaves 'good here, but you really need to work on this' feedback - I'm interested to know, and considering I'm quite used to my betas ripping my work to shreds, any critique is good critique as far as I'm concerned. I have a skin like a rhino.

ETA, 04/03 : ...I could've compared cs_whitewolf to Michelangelo, Scorcese, Hardy, the list goes on for people I can see are damn good at what they do but don't particularly like their style. OPINION. MINE. MY JOURNAL. And did you miss the bit where I said I *always read* the other two? I've left bouncy feedback on the fic of theirs I liked, and occasionally leave concrit. And yes, I do always use specific examples when citing anything, good or bad.