Er. Question on personal space.

[burntcopper]

Okay, those of you who've met me in the flesh know that I have *no* concept of personal space. My parents regularly complain about this, and it's partially due to childhood upbringing of a very crowded society. 1 mm, 1 mile, I simply don't register the difference unless someone tells me. Which also often means I miss a few slash things... 'Look how close they're standing!' 'Your point is?' I know 3jane once commented on the whole Korean hand-holding thing betwixt men, and it not being a remotely gay thing there.

So...er... what do you lot consider reasonable personal space boundaries?

Comments

[kittynic]

I'm a very tactile and affectionate person so I have no issues with personal space apart from the fact that people assume I'm flirting just because I am so affectionate and tactile.

However, I do realise other people have their own boundaries and I respect them.

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

Ooh, this is totally a psychology/linguistics-y thing - there are different set distances in different cultures for different situations (intimate, personal, social and public distance). And somewhere in my first-year linguistics notes I actually have some written down. Desperately looking for good cites online.

Here's a good one for Americans. About a third of the way down this page, too:

Intimate distance - up to 0.5 m ....much here is exposed, physical contact is possible and many cues like breathing, smell, body temperature sights and sounds become available.

Personal distance - 0.5 - 1.25 m ....this is the norm for everyday interaction with friends and colleagues. The more intimate cues are not available at this distance, though touch is still possible.

Social distance - 1.25 - 4 m....The distance for casual interactions, business dealings, shopping and so on. Verbal cues still available but many of the others are lost. People will avoid sitting next to others on buses because it may be seen as an invasion of this space.

Public distance 4 - 8 m..The distance at which communication in formal settings takes place, e.g. the lecture hall, or in a court room. This distance minimizes 'social' interaction and maintains the formality of the situation.

So, yeah, you grow up in one culture and your distances will be off-wack when you move into a new culture. There's a really neat theory about the fact that Westerners looking at Chinese traffic perceive there as being loads of near-crashes, when in fact there aren't any more than there are elsewhere - what the Westerners are reacting to are cars and bicyles invading their perception of personal space.

Look, I'm a geek! Hope that's useful.

[benpeek.livejournal.com]

so long as i'm not made uncomfortable by the other person, i don't much care.

(that said, i'm told i have a personal zone. people move out of my way. no one hangs off me. i'm not hugged a lot. i don't know why this is, except that i've been told, by numerous people, that i have a don't touch air about me.)

[beccaelizabeth]

I am strange in the opposite way, so my opinion is probably less than useful. But with anyone I havent known for years I am most comfortable if they are far enough away that they couldn't hit me without taking a step.

Yes this is paranoid. It isn't personal and it isn't a conscious process, but it is the clearest expression of what distance makes me jumpy.

It is also a flexible distance depending on what weapons are to hand. I have discovered at Stargate conventions (with the many ranged weapons on costumes) I have a tendency to hide behind pillars and things.

[akam1.livejournal.com]

My minimum personal space bubble is a circle around me about two feet. Also, I'm not a hugger. I'm suspicious of anyone who wants to hug for no apparent reason (i.e. they are not comforting me after a major trauma, trying to pull me away from a ledge, or checking me for listening devices). It irritates the crap out of me when someone keeps touching me on the arm (or elsewhere) while we talk and I'll usually tell them so if they can't take the hint when I pull back and put some more space between us.

People that get closer than about two feet make me nervous and cause me to first scowl at them, and if they don't back the hell off, say something to them about stepping back. With the exception of my Spouse, family is included in the 'get the hell away from me' group.

However, I am on the opposite end from you on the personal space scale and fully admit that I am anti-social and a little paranoid.

I think the average person has varying rules about personal space dependent upon a lot of factors.

I asked Spouse about men and personal space with other men and he claims that, generally, men also have varying personal space factors but, usually, there is no hugging of other men (sports, family and long term friendships are exempt from the no-hugging rule). Except in a crowded place (like a bar), they don't lean closer to each other to talk, stand facing each other, a foot, or less, apart, to talk, walk touching shoulders, sit very close to each other on a bench or a rock to talk, stare intently into the others eyes while they talk, or any of the other things I've seen male characters do on TV when they aren't supposed to be sleeping with each other.

Of course most of those things are probably for camera angles and stuff but I see things like that and let my slashy mind take over. :-)

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

1.25 m? that's... a lot. Mind you, americans do have bigger personal space than your average brit. (it's basically to do with how closely packed your population is)

[juleskicks.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* I am bad at hearing things. Not bad hearing, per se, but my brain just tends not to register what people are saying, or I'm easily distracted by other things going on around me. So I tend to get pretty close, just to make sure I don't lose track. Otherwise... depends. *shrug* Mostly on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, and it's someone I know, I'm generally going to be okay without having much personal space, if any. If I'm having a bad day, it's just like, "no, get the hell out of my space", because I'm doing the introvert thing and needing to be alone to regroup. Complete strangers -- unless it's for a good reason, like we're on the Metro leaving RFK Stadium after a match, when there's one train every twenty minutes and scores of people waiting to get on, so of course we're gonna be packed in -- I tend to be a little less comfortable with -- eight inches or a foot, probably.

I've heard, though, that Americans tend to have wider comfort radii, as it were. Which is a whole sociological thing to do with the history of the country and a perception of there being room for everyone, but yeah. But one of my best friends is Korean, another is Chinese, and my oldest and dearest friend is Irish-Korean (and two of them are extremely physically affectionate -- lots of hugs/whacks/gropes), and I've noticed that I, personally, am not nearly as put off by being very physically close to someone as, say, my mother is, which could have something to do with that or could just be me.

Huh. Now you've got me thinking.

[aderyn.livejournal.com]

It's mostly something I'm not hugely bothered with. My shyness often prevents me from hugging/touching people, even though I'm quite tactile. I think I'm also over-sensitive to other people's personal space issues.

I get these little mini-arguments in my head along the lines of "Ooooh, haven't seem them for ages, give them a hug!" "But wait, what if they think I'm weird for hugging them?" "Oh but I like them, and want to let them know!" "But they might not like being hugged! Stop!" This leads to me standing there dithering between doing one or the other, and receiving strange looks from people who don't know me well enough to know what's going on.

And that's why I sometimes drink too much on social occasions!

[odangochan.livejournal.com]

If I know you *well* and currently consider you a close personal friend, about a foot, sometimes less depending on how long I've known you. Touching of most kinds legal in public is permitted. Dancing distances can be as close as you like.

If I know you but don't particularly consider you a close friend, 2 feet. Occasional touches on the arm, shoulder, and occasional hello/goodbye hugs permitted.

If I don't know you, 3 feet. No touching at all unless you need to get my attention, in which case taps on the shoulder permitted.

If I don't know you and you're male, at least 4 feet and don't touch me unless you want me to avoid you forever. I have androphobia. Previous experience with the male sex has caused this. Don't make it worse.

These are basic guidelines. Essentially it's mostly to do with how well I know *your* tactility and what your intentions are. For example, with you and Nic and the like, I know you're very tactile but it's purely in a friendly way so I have no problem with it. Also, if it's a male I know for certain has no sexual interest in me, I can allow them fairly close without a problem.

I also have pnygophobia, which is a fear of suffocation. This basically means you don't put things very close in front of my face, ever. Unless you want me to freak out and immediately extend my personal space barriers by about a metre. Anywhere else is fine, but NEVER my face. Irrational fear, yes. This is the definition of phobia.

Also mild sociophobia in general, which is why my boundaries may seem big to others.

[pandap.livejournal.com]

If I'm in line, or having a conversation with someone who's not a family member, I'd prefer that they'd stay at least far enough away from me that I wouldn't be able to elbow them, if I tried. I think around 2 ft would be about right.

[mingmerciless.livejournal.com]

1 mm, 1 mile, I simply don't register the difference unless someone tells me

Remind me never to ask you for artillery support...

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

Hmp. It's only personal space I don't get, not normal space. Though admittedly when my hands get big with the gesticulations, they could be termed friendly fire.

[mingmerciless.livejournal.com]

Incoming!