...fuck

Shite. Shite. And shite again.

Work? No good. You know how you get pissed off because people don't do things, creating more work down the line? (and my lot don't seem to realise that because we all do the same job, what they don't do now at one stage is something that they have to do later, only it'll take longer and be more difficult) I write one of my periodical reminder emails of regular glitches (I see a broader range than most because I work as the backstop/cleaner up of corners/skimmer) that they keep doing, only because I've had a not-good day and more fuck-ups than most, the tone tipped from my usual gentle sarcasm to a bit nasty. And when I get pissed off, I lash out and can be downright vicious. Then I blew up at the next thing, and especially blew up when they rebuked me for my tone in the email, me snarling that the people who get hurt by my tone should get a thicker skin, and really blew up when they used the 'just a job' line in an attempt to placate me when I'd said I don't ask for them to work miracles, just be competent. I think there was yelling involved. Including the statement 'I don't care about the job! I care that it gets done *right*!'

...Fuck.

Course, l'espirit d'escalier got me thinking later that I should've pointed out that the customers are paying how much, this is what, a year to two years of their work, it's how much riding on it, and the very least we should be doing is keeping up our end of the bargain, no matter how shittily we get paid. And that the proper come-back to 'Just a job' as the excuse for cutting corners is 'Oh, is that what your plumber says?'

And all they - and everyone who heard me blow up (open plan office) - are going to remember is that I yelled and was vicious. Not what I was yelling and what got me to the end of my tether.

...Fuck. I hate having standards and a work ethic when no-one else does. Other problem being that I like my workmates and normally get along with them.

And I don't have a boss I can take this to. Our department doesn't have one. At least one that's actually involved in our work - and the one that's our vague boss is off on holiday.

...Barrowman love is a family thing

I love my parents. no, really. Sometimes just... love.

Dad is a sci-fi and media geek who loves musicals and raised me on Cabaret. Mum loves musicals and period drama.

Dinner is a sit-down job with a belief in the art of conversation and discussion and arguments about all kinds of topics.

And todays, after a bit of 'work sucks/some commuters are *weird*/other stuff, we got onto roles actors take for money - citing Michael Caine and The Swarm, which always gets quoted in these cases. I cited Barrowman and Shark Attack 3 and saying that it was cash in hand as a similar example.

And then Dad brought up a conversation he'd had with someone at work about Barrowman and where he's going to go from here - because, well, star ascendant. Big name, could pretty much do anything *here*, getting a good name in America - so the question that automatically comes up is 'When's he going to go for Hollywood?' Me, being the Barrowman obsessive was poked for my opinion. I said what Barrowman's said, about having a brilliant time here right now, feels that time's kind of moved on a bit from the kind of effort it would take to try to crack Hollywood, plus the effort you have to put into playing the game, (settled life, husband, etc, etc...) not to mention he probably would not be getting leading man roles due to being out. See Rupert Everett - best friend, not romantic leads. I hear you cite Ian McKellen. An article pointed out that yes, big star, big name... but past the age where he'd be getting cast in 'leading man romantic'. And films nearly always have a romance bit of some sort in them even if they're out and out action.

So it was also mooted that what he could do was go via the couple of big seasons in serious drama theatre darling and build up his rep that way - because none of Dad's mates were denying that he wasn't a serious talent - and then be based in the UK but do UK actor films (ie good scripts, not heavy on the effects and explosions), like a lot of the big name British actors do. Which is, well, interesting, because anyone wanna see him opposite Keira Knightley or similar?

And Dad citing on how much the BBC loves Torchwood because of the profile it's got in America and how much money it's making them to explain it to Mum. (remember, Dad reads normal media and listens to Radio 4 so he's seeing it from outside what fandom does)