sexual identity bollocks

[burntcopper]

just been reading through the genderfuck challenge stories on ds_flashfiction (this was back in may), and came across the one where RayK is a lesbian. Almost exactly the same life, up to and including splitting from Stella and taking the undercover job at the 27th. Then finds herself fancying Fraser and going 'argh, excuse me, hormones, he's a man, practically a Tom of Finland poster in his gayness, WTF?' and someone commented on how much straight people don't realise how much you invest in your sexual identity if you're gay.

Which made me think, because sexuality was never something I thought about. Ever. It was mostly 'boys pretty. girls pretty. and?' Though I am one of those people who likes her girls to be feminine (that is, obviously a girl) and her boys to be masculine. Androgyny does nothing for me, neither does genderbending. Know several people on lj who go 'makeup on boy. guh.' and I just go 'meh'. Unless they're Ancient Egyptian. I dunno. It's more a cultural context thing, I suppose. But anyway, I was just wondering about the other bisexuals on my flist. Did you ever think much about sexual identity or was it 'what's all this having to choose just one?'

I dunno, maybe because I had an entirely trauma-free ride. As in 'oh. right. and...' and all my mates, parents etc who didn't even presume anything else. I think I once tried to casually mention it to my parents, and they went 'yes, yes, what else is new?' dismissively.

Anyway. Must get back to nano.

Comments

[odangochan.livejournal.com]

Interesting question. I wasn't really made aware of any kind of sexuality other than hetero when I was growing up, so I always chalked my female crushes up to "I think she's really cool and want to be her best friend", but when I hit 15 and became aware of other sexualities, I realised that they were actual crushes, and it confused me for a while because I was at a very homophobic school and couldn't talk about it openly. Eventually I told my mother and she accepted it, though a little reluctantly at the time. (She's since attempted to set me up with girls, so I can only assume complete acceptance). So yes, I did think about it a fair amount because of the social situation I was in. Now it makes no odds to me in the slightest, but a lot of that has to do with being around people who don't have a problem with my being open about my sexuality now.

[lysia-knight.livejournal.com]

I never really gave it much thought as I was growing up. I think my first female crush was when I was about fourteen, and I too put it down to admiration, but then again at that age I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone, male or female, and it wasn't until I was about 17 that I really developed any sexuality at all. I acknowledged an attraction towards certain women on a par with that I felt towards certain men but never made a big deal of it. I'd read enough "I think I'm gay" letters in teen mags to know that there was nothing wrong with it and it didn't mean I had to put myself in one particular camp from adolescence onwards.

Once I grew up, I considered bisexuality to be more of an opportunity to explore different relationships with different people. I never hid it or pondered over it. Nobody made a big deal. The con scene has no qualms about sexuality. Meanwhile my mother seemed to console herself with the idea that there was a good chance I'd just end up with a nice man, and to be honest I usually entertained that as the most likely path simply due to the ratio of straight men to gay/bi women. I always knew I would like a gay relationship, but actually experiencing one has made a difference in how I view my sexuality.

Having a girlfriend has made me rethink my take on my sexual identity. It's one thing to say hypothetically "I fancy women" but another entirely to openly walk down the street knowing that some git might take offence to the fact that I'm holding hands with another girl. My mother hasn't taken the news well and is clearly disappointed as her dream of seeing me married with kids is fluttering out of the window, and she did try to write it off as a phase, even going as far as saying "well none of your relationships last anyway" which was frankly insulting and hurtful. She has since apologised but still hasn't come to terms.

I'm experiencing non-straight life directly now rather than hypothetically, along with all the joys and problems that go with it, and it makes me want to establish myself more firmly to help me deal with whatever issues life will now throw at me. Suddenly all those political issues actually matter to me and involve me and this has made me want to establish my sexual identity more, because if I don't stand up for me and what I believe in, then who will?

Rather long comment, but there you go.

[cynicalcylon.livejournal.com]

I never really thought of myself as bi until someone else pointed out to me that I was. To be honest, I've always thought of myself as more neutral when it came to the whole sexual preference thing. It was always just a matter of not limiting my options. Different things appeal to me on men, as on women, but the fact remains that I have & will continue to fancy/sleep with both, so I shall continue to not limit myself.
I like pretty, in all forms (physical & mental), & I don't much care what wrapper it comes in, gender-wise.
I am with you on the whole androgyny thing. I like my women to be women & my men to be men
Also, just cos a guy's pretty, doesn't mean he's any less masculine, & I really don't get the whole 'dyke' image thing. Why do lesbians have this horrible tendancy to want to dress up in stereotypically 'masculine' clothing, with hair so short the US marines would be proud? OK, so I'm a jeans & tee gal myself, but I have no compulsion to dress up like anything other than what I am - a woman! (except for costumes, but does that count? ;-) )