Self-image ramblings

[burntcopper]

Spent evening squeeing with Jen and Megs about the last two eps of Torchwood.

It also included behaviour discussions and so on - everything from 'argh, grinding' to chucking customers out of pubs and 'oh, you so picked that gesture up from _insert name here_' (it is a truth universally acknowledged that the hands on chest and sigh dramatically is all Jen's fault).

Got an answer on something that's been niggling at me for a couple of years now - had one of those 'well, so and so's personality means they're a___' categorising conversations at a garden party at Nic's, where we categorised people by animal. Some were difficult, some easy as hell and had several people give the same answer at the same time when a person was pointed at, often a very specific answer. For example, Nic's turn, everyone went 'Cat. Persian.' I didn't get a turn (possibly because I'd started the game and was picking people) and it niggles on and off, because I can never categorise myself. I know what I'm *not*, I always know what I'm *not* (my outlook on life is never defined by what I am, I very rarely ever know what I am or want, but I do know what I'm not and what I don't want and what I can't actually do). So I asked Jen as we were rounding the stairs. She looked at me and instantly said 'mongoose'. Huh. Never actually thought of myself as one before. Any advances on mongoose?

This got me thinking about self image, and Jen pulling out a manga where the characters showed their self-image in dream state, makes me think that I really have to start drawing again. If only to find out what I look like in my head. Y'know, how most people are never exactly what they look like - maybe their eyes are bigger, maybe they're a little taller, a little more toned. I always had the thing back when I was fatter where I used to pull the excess flesh back from my chin and face to try and see what I looked like without it, because my younger self was slim. And then came the day of realisation that I'd become that image I'd been looking for as a teen, because I did the gesture and... there was nothing to pull back. I need to start drawing again, period. Because I used to be defined by the fact that I could draw, and I haven't done so in years. And then I get surprised by the fact that people who know me *now*, people who I spend all my time with, have no idea that I can.

Oh, and it appears I have become ... known for certain things. the valet! kink, specifically. Must really get more plot for it.

Comments

[juleskicks.livejournal.com]

Huh. I can definitely see mongoose, now I think about it.

This is similar to the game I play on reading the His Dark Materials trilogy again (or the first part at least, as the second is somewhat boring and the third is downright irritating), wherein I try to figure out what my daemon would be. And like you, I go round and round when it's myself I'm thinking about.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

any others?

In response to the daemon thing, (I've managed most of Northern Lights but stopped and then didn't pick it up again, happens to a lot of books with me.) I tend to ponder, since it's not exactly your spirit animal, more something that just fits with you. For example, Due South's Fraser already has a daemon. It's Dief.

Have a horrible suspicion that mine might be a robin. (the english sort, not the US version) Or a border collie.

[juleskicks.livejournal.com]

Northern Lights/Golden Compass is worth the read, but the second is disappointing and the third is just a snoozefest. Yes, Pullman, the Church has done some awful things in its history, but if I wanted to hear you rant about how much he hates the Church I'd re-read that Narnia essay of yours.

I'm thinking a wren, though I still think mongoose was pretty spot-on.

...you realize this would be perfect as a meme, don't you?

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

stoppit with the meme business, you.

[juleskicks.livejournal.com]

Also, on thinking a bit more (because this game is a fun one), can definitely see you as some kind of a bird. Robin, maybe, though I'm still leaning towards wren. Or -- no, some kind of finch, I think. Trumpeter finch, even.

(For myself, am going back and forth between moose and sparrow.)