Fic:Dick Grayson meets the Fab Five
Apr. 11th, 2007 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
burntcopper(this is a re-post, just for posterity)
Someone shoot me. I was watching Queer Eye, and for some reason Dick Grayson popped up in my head as a perfect candidate (I blame Wendi for doing Wally West)
Dick : I don't need this! I'm not straight! I'm bi!
Carson : No, but you dress like one. Darling, you had *Bruce Wayne* as a mentor, and the man is a style god. How did you not learn anything?
Dick : I, er, kind of didn't want to go the whole playboy route.
Carson : You can eschew the lifestyle, but you cannot eschew the style tips.
Carson : Oh god, have you seen the man's butt?
Thom : I know...
Jai : He says he's kept up the gymnastics from when he was a little kid.
Carson : I need to date more gymnasts.
[While Thom is fussing around the main room, and Carson is investigating the wardrobe, Dick idly goes into a one-handed handstand on the window ledge.]
Ted : Guys. Over here. Now.
Jai : I... I want that.
Dick : [notices they're looking, flushes slightly and bounces down] Sorry, I kinda forget I'm doing that sometimes.
Kyan : Keep doing it. We have no problems.
Carson : Do it all day if you want, honey, just tell us when so we can get the camera.
Ted, looking from Dick to the open fridge accusingly : Tell me. Admit it. You live on pizza, don't you?
Dick : Er... well... there's caffeine and burgers too.
Ted : I fear for your digestive system.
Dick : I'm a cop! It's allowed! Besides, I have a high metabolism and I burn off calories quickly because of the active lifestyle.
Ted : And one day, my friend, your innards will rebel against you for this.
Kyan, inspecting Dick's skin : The amount of grime rubbed into this is scary. How you have such perfect skin is scary. Do you not understand the concept of moisturiser? Or exfoliation?
Dick : It's an industrial town! Lots of pollutants in the air!
Kyan : Tell that to the average New Yorker. It is no excuse. And what is it you do to your hands? Not to mention all the bruising...
Dick : Perps really don't like being caught. And what's wrong with them?
Kyan : All the calluses, for a start....
:headdesk: I shall be committing hari-kiri soon.
Someone shoot me. I was watching Queer Eye, and for some reason Dick Grayson popped up in my head as a perfect candidate (I blame Wendi for doing Wally West)
Dick : I don't need this! I'm not straight! I'm bi!
Carson : No, but you dress like one. Darling, you had *Bruce Wayne* as a mentor, and the man is a style god. How did you not learn anything?
Dick : I, er, kind of didn't want to go the whole playboy route.
Carson : You can eschew the lifestyle, but you cannot eschew the style tips.
Carson : Oh god, have you seen the man's butt?
Thom : I know...
Jai : He says he's kept up the gymnastics from when he was a little kid.
Carson : I need to date more gymnasts.
[While Thom is fussing around the main room, and Carson is investigating the wardrobe, Dick idly goes into a one-handed handstand on the window ledge.]
Ted : Guys. Over here. Now.
Jai : I... I want that.
Dick : [notices they're looking, flushes slightly and bounces down] Sorry, I kinda forget I'm doing that sometimes.
Kyan : Keep doing it. We have no problems.
Carson : Do it all day if you want, honey, just tell us when so we can get the camera.
Ted, looking from Dick to the open fridge accusingly : Tell me. Admit it. You live on pizza, don't you?
Dick : Er... well... there's caffeine and burgers too.
Ted : I fear for your digestive system.
Dick : I'm a cop! It's allowed! Besides, I have a high metabolism and I burn off calories quickly because of the active lifestyle.
Ted : And one day, my friend, your innards will rebel against you for this.
Kyan, inspecting Dick's skin : The amount of grime rubbed into this is scary. How you have such perfect skin is scary. Do you not understand the concept of moisturiser? Or exfoliation?
Dick : It's an industrial town! Lots of pollutants in the air!
Kyan : Tell that to the average New Yorker. It is no excuse. And what is it you do to your hands? Not to mention all the bruising...
Dick : Perps really don't like being caught. And what's wrong with them?
Kyan : All the calluses, for a start....
:headdesk: I shall be committing hari-kiri soon.
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-13 11:20 am (UTC)Despite regularly watching shows like What Not To Wear (horrified fascination, Ten Years Younger and just about any home-makeover show going. Queer Eye manages to combine all the absolute worst points about all of those shows into one distilled show of cringingly unentertaining magnitude - and i didn't think much of the results.
Leaving aside the pigs-ear they made of his appartment - They took a guy who dressed reasonably averagely and looked OK in it and put him into tight sweaters that made it look like he'd gained a lot of weight but was still wearing the pre-weight-gain wardrobe.... I mean he didnt look bad to begin with, but he looked awful when they'd finished.
At their very worst, the monsterous women of What Not to Wear only leave their victims looking bland, The Queer Eye queens leave them looking terrible.
{shudder}
Teddy