gaaaah

[burntcopper]

:headdesk:

Gah. What is it about some people? They ask you out. You say 'no, thanks, I prefer friends' because you don't fancy them. Simple as that.

...And for some reason, instead of accepting this and moving on, some people see this as a cue to pour their hearts out in an email or letter and say how much they love and adore you. And are pining something chronic. In excruciating detail.

See other person go :'SHIT!' and scramble backwards, preferably as far away as possible.

Seriously, in what universe do they think that will help their cause? At the very least it causes intense embarassment and discomfort on the part of the person who said no, which as we know, screws up the normal friendship.

I ignored the email and acted like everything was normal. and then got follow-ups with 'I didn't say anything the other day but _even more detail, including past relationships_' (which I only read so far and then closed before reading any more) Cue me attempting world record for scrambling backwards and sending polite reply of 'look, I said friends, I don't fancy you, please stop sending me the emails NOW.'

Please god let that stop it there. And not go any further down the path of certain previous whatsits like that.

:headdesk: it's at times like this you want to retreat into Austen or Shakespeare speak about unwelcome attentions and 'I have not encouraged your attentions with one look or glance' type phrasing. I can understand misreading someone's behaviour as flirting, but surely the initial 'sorry, no' should put paid to that? It normally does. Maybe we just need a large sign saying 'No means no. In every sodding possible social situation.'

Comments

[cynicalcylon.livejournal.com]

See, now I just have the urge to go "Heather's got a boyfriend!"

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

I STAB.

[samphirette.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this is the wrong time to giggle (as I have no idea who it is) but your reactions are priceless so hehe.

Also OMG! I think I may have behaved slightly like this once (nowhere near as bad as you are describing) because once the other person said "friends only" you feel like you want to create a new comfort barrier to get the friendship back onto track without causing further issue. So perhaps it's easy to overdo that, rather than sit back quietly and think you've blown the friendship.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

my problem (having been in one of these which went scarier) is that they suddenly put themselves in the 'clearly not caring what your feelings on the subject are', which to me means they've latched on to nearest person but .. how do I put this? To the surface. Like I'm a doll.

[cynicalcylon.livejournal.com]

Love yoooooou :D

[random-c.livejournal.com]

...and this is why RomComs are bad and should be shot, because nearly all of them encourage the idea that Persistence Will Be Rewarded and that Most Pathetic Gets The Girl.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

problem being that the socially adjusted ones (ie, the ones that took no for an answer and shut up about it) are not the ones who take the advice of the romcoms.

Films : not the same as real life. Under any circumstances.

[deliaepigram.livejournal.com]

this all sounds like lots of fun to me!

[tirinar.livejournal.com]

Did you get another mix tape?? :D

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

fortunately no. except previously said person had tried to get me to listen to a bunch of music that he liked, which I'm inclined to think now was his version of 'courting', though at the time I thought it was 'enthusiasm of the geek'.

[jamjar.livejournal.com]

It's possible you'll have to pull the "Okay, so it's clear we're not friends now. My friends don't try to guilt or emotionally bully me into relationships I don't want and at this point, it's clear that you're more interested in a 'relationship' with me, than in my actual thoughts and feelings." speech.

And then possibly hit him with something heavy.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

I'm honestly thinking of hitting him with something heavy. considering I did have to actually tell him several times in the past couple of months 'look, bugger off, you're not invited'.

[xenaclone.livejournal.com]

Oh, one of those. You may have to be cruel to be kind. Good luck.


XC

[xenaclone.livejournal.com]

Yup. Ideally, the "sorry, but..." should do it. You know how old I am [GGG]. At a convention I suddenly realised a young fella was hitting on me. I asked him his age. 18. EEEEP! I firmly but gently informed him that my SON was 19 [at the time]. Told him he had made an old woman very happy, but Nothing Doing, fella. He was absolutely okay about it, thankfully.

XC

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm with you on this one. Behaviour like this gives me the absolute shuddering creeps.

[dario006.livejournal.com]

Sometimes people don't get the message no matter how loud or clear you shout it. Try to distance yourself from them and hope they move on - trying to be friends instead often gives them the encouragement that you can be more. Maybe you can do the friends thing one day, but initially distance is the best way.

It's a sucky situation to be in, hun, believe me I know. Sometimes brutal honesty and a restraining order is the only way ;)

[erykah101.livejournal.com]

You're not alone!

This might amuse you
http://jezebel.com/tag/crap-email-from-a-dude/

Choice special snowflakes:
http://jezebel.com/5013617/theyre-teetering-on-the-precipice-of-a-great-opening-of-the-bowels-of-their-being
http://jezebel.com/346669/it-was-a-risk-++-dating-you--risking-my-reputation--where-was-respect-for-that
http://jezebel.com/gossip/crap-email-from-a-dude/and-may-no-woman-better-thrive-that-dares-prophane-the-cunt-i-swive-327088.php
http://jezebel.com/gossip/crap-email-from-a-dude/you-have-destroyed-true-love-311055.php