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EUROVISION
May. 15th, 2011 12:46 pmAmericans, if you ever see this, don't judge us. You have toddler beauty pagents. And the really important thing? Everyone watching is drunk. We wouldn't like it half so much if we couldn't take the piss. And now, the commentary!
1 Finland - Paradise Oskar -da da dam - acoustic guitar boy. folk eco stuff. YAWN. dying of smug boredom.
2 Bosnia & Herzegovina - Dino Merlin - Love in Rewind - ...is this yodelling to start? there is a tambourine and a faint air of hillbilly with added line dancing. and a random dancer. I feel like I'm stuck in an italian restaurant...
3 Denmark - A Friend in London - New Tomorrow - decent pop tune, slightly slowed down MCR. not really stand outy enough, sadly.
4 Lithuania - Evalina Sasenko - C'est ma vie - nice dress, a bit J-Lo in looks... and yes, very musical theatre. Attack of the Christine. Oh, and a bloke with a white piano. Er. what's with the sign language?
5 Hungary - Kati Wolf - What about my dreams? - this is totally eurodance with added 80s power ballad. tall blond in a short blue dress with a... sleeve.
6 Ireland - Jedward - Lipstick gun - um. wow, they're nearly movin in time....
7 Sweden - Eric Saade - Popular. oo, nice staging. square frames with nice dancers. reasonable song, cute singer. and now they've shut him in a glass box. now he's out.
8 Estonia - Getter Jaani - Rockerfeller Street - ooo, magically appearing cane. I like it. dancers have attack of broken doll syndrome.. v bouncy pop
9 Greece - - BREAKDANCERS! with growly sub-rapping by stereo mike. and bloke in a suit singing some power-ballad-ish thing.
10 Russia - it's a james dean lookalike reject! with added iglesias singing, and black clad dancers.
11 France - Amaury Vassili - cute, military jacket, great voice.... hang on, did someone steal whatsisface from Les Mis?
12 Italy - Raphael Gualazzi - bloke doing soft jazz on piano with backing instruments. dinner jazz. rather good, but not goign to win.
13 Switzerland -Anna Rossinelli - in love for a while - ooo, bouncy, decent song, nice girl in red sparkly dress, a bit lily allen vibe for the song, and there's a ukelele.
14 England - Blue - I can - decent bland blue song. er?
15 Moldova - so lucky ..there is headgear of pointy cones. garden gnomes with monocles and crappy punky two-tone-ish singing. and fairy girls on unicycles. IT MUST WIN.
16 Germany - Lena - - silver-jumpsuit condomed people skipping and doing strange modern dancing. Lena attempting sexy. and reasonably succeeding.
17 Romania - David Bryan - robert palmer dancers, pinstriped trousers and mid-radio 2 song.
18 Austria - Nadine Belier - the secret is love - acapella beginning. looks like she escaped from ute lemper's stylist. power ballad time! also a chorus of nuns from sister act
19 Azerbaijan - Ell/Nikki - Running scared - white dresses and armography. bro + sis combo, j-lo ballad, boy from del monte, twins singing it and now it's gone a bit flowers in the attic. yawn. OH FSM. HOW DID THIS WIN?!?
20 Slovenia - No-one - metal sequinned bodice dress! and thigh boots! song v average. I am a woman in love.
21 Iceland - Sjonni's friends - coming home - a pub band from the 70s has entered. with waistcoats and faded jeans.
22 spain - lucia perez - bouncy! pink dress! cute dancers in white suits also bouncy! it's gloria estefan's little sister come to save us all! and roman candles!
23 Ukraine - Mika Newton - Angel - sand painting. pale pink long dress, feather shoulder pads. sand painting more interesting
24 Serbia - Nina - sixties mod pop. with miniskirts tights and accurate backing dancing. someone help, the feed went down and they replaced it with a clip from teh 60s.
25 Georgia - Eldrine - one more day attempt at rock + rap with added tron stylings. matrix and tron had a baby, that's what this is.
1 Finland - Paradise Oskar -da da dam - acoustic guitar boy. folk eco stuff. YAWN. dying of smug boredom.
2 Bosnia & Herzegovina - Dino Merlin - Love in Rewind - ...is this yodelling to start? there is a tambourine and a faint air of hillbilly with added line dancing. and a random dancer. I feel like I'm stuck in an italian restaurant...
3 Denmark - A Friend in London - New Tomorrow - decent pop tune, slightly slowed down MCR. not really stand outy enough, sadly.
4 Lithuania - Evalina Sasenko - C'est ma vie - nice dress, a bit J-Lo in looks... and yes, very musical theatre. Attack of the Christine. Oh, and a bloke with a white piano. Er. what's with the sign language?
5 Hungary - Kati Wolf - What about my dreams? - this is totally eurodance with added 80s power ballad. tall blond in a short blue dress with a... sleeve.
6 Ireland - Jedward - Lipstick gun - um. wow, they're nearly movin in time....
7 Sweden - Eric Saade - Popular. oo, nice staging. square frames with nice dancers. reasonable song, cute singer. and now they've shut him in a glass box. now he's out.
8 Estonia - Getter Jaani - Rockerfeller Street - ooo, magically appearing cane. I like it. dancers have attack of broken doll syndrome.. v bouncy pop
9 Greece - - BREAKDANCERS! with growly sub-rapping by stereo mike. and bloke in a suit singing some power-ballad-ish thing.
10 Russia - it's a james dean lookalike reject! with added iglesias singing, and black clad dancers.
11 France - Amaury Vassili - cute, military jacket, great voice.... hang on, did someone steal whatsisface from Les Mis?
12 Italy - Raphael Gualazzi - bloke doing soft jazz on piano with backing instruments. dinner jazz. rather good, but not goign to win.
13 Switzerland -Anna Rossinelli - in love for a while - ooo, bouncy, decent song, nice girl in red sparkly dress, a bit lily allen vibe for the song, and there's a ukelele.
14 England - Blue - I can - decent bland blue song. er?
15 Moldova - so lucky ..there is headgear of pointy cones. garden gnomes with monocles and crappy punky two-tone-ish singing. and fairy girls on unicycles. IT MUST WIN.
16 Germany - Lena - - silver-jumpsuit condomed people skipping and doing strange modern dancing. Lena attempting sexy. and reasonably succeeding.
17 Romania - David Bryan - robert palmer dancers, pinstriped trousers and mid-radio 2 song.
18 Austria - Nadine Belier - the secret is love - acapella beginning. looks like she escaped from ute lemper's stylist. power ballad time! also a chorus of nuns from sister act
19 Azerbaijan - Ell/Nikki - Running scared - white dresses and armography. bro + sis combo, j-lo ballad, boy from del monte, twins singing it and now it's gone a bit flowers in the attic. yawn. OH FSM. HOW DID THIS WIN?!?
20 Slovenia - No-one - metal sequinned bodice dress! and thigh boots! song v average. I am a woman in love.
21 Iceland - Sjonni's friends - coming home - a pub band from the 70s has entered. with waistcoats and faded jeans.
22 spain - lucia perez - bouncy! pink dress! cute dancers in white suits also bouncy! it's gloria estefan's little sister come to save us all! and roman candles!
23 Ukraine - Mika Newton - Angel - sand painting. pale pink long dress, feather shoulder pads. sand painting more interesting
24 Serbia - Nina - sixties mod pop. with miniskirts tights and accurate backing dancing. someone help, the feed went down and they replaced it with a clip from teh 60s.
25 Georgia - Eldrine - one more day attempt at rock + rap with added tron stylings. matrix and tron had a baby, that's what this is.
